


But What Really is one side of a coin without the other?

by katylady



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst, Good morgana, M/M, Oblivious Arthur, Unrequited Love, understanding gwen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-21
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-04-05 12:57:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4180683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katylady/pseuds/katylady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The wedding of Arthur and Gwen is fast approaching and under all of his stress, Merlin decides he has had enough of destiny and leaves. But the real question is has destiny had enough of him?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Despondent King and his Beloved Manservant

**Author's Note:**

> So keep in mind Morgana never became evil. All the things she has done still happen, but because someone else did them. Slow merthur build, but not really. I'm sorry if it sucks.

Merlin knows that it wasn't intentional and that Arthur was just busy with his upcoming wedding, but somewhere along the lines of "will you marry me" and "yes" a friendship was lost.

Merlin does not blame Gwen or even Arthur for that matter. Because after all, how were they to know that from the moment Arthur risked his life to find the Mortaeus flower that Merlin fell? Hard. It's not common knowledge that Merlin loves Arthur. He may stare at Arthur too long, and occasionally treat Arthur differently than other royals, but Merlin does no think that it is _that_ obvious. And sure, it would make since knowing all that Merlin has sacrificed for Arthur and therefore Camelot. But as the only other, besides Gaius, that knows of Merlin's magic is dead, it is unlikely that anyone could know of Merlin's feelings. Actually the more Merlin thinks about it, the more unlikely it seems that anyone would know of Merlin's feelings after all that's just how Merlin is, right? But even though Merlin may act foolish and like an idiot, he is not stupid, no matter what Arthur says. He is just thankful that no one has picked up on his feelings because marrying a servant is one thing, but a male, servant who happens to be the most powerful warlock? It's inconceivable, no matter how tragic it seems. Merlin has dealt with love spells, dragons (okay mainly one), sidhes, trolls, goblins, and a world of other creatures just for Arthur. All the while, being unappreciated and ignored by everyone due to the upcoming wedding. But Merlin being Merlin has never complained about it, and is subsequently alone. 

The transition back from friend to servant was subtle at first. It started with more chores than usual to hurtful insults (that even Merlin did not know if Arthur was joking or not) to overall neglect. To the citizens of Camelot it looked as if it was business as usual. The two still bickered like an old married couple and Merlin still followed Arthur to each and every event, so they did not think to question their favorite male servant. Plus, Merlin still acted as the funny, clumsy, adorable man that they all knew and loved when, in fact, he was feeling the opposite. Even the Knights, who besides Arthur (before the engagement) and Gauis, knew Merlin best, did not notice his slight shift in his behavior.

As the shift in Arthur occurred, Merlin knew he could do nothing to stop their failing friendship. Every time Merlin cracked a joke, he would be met with a grunt of acknowledgement, if that. Merlin knew Arthur was just under a lot of stress due to ruling Camelot and his engagement, but it hurt Merlin all the same.

And even through Arthur's neglect, Merlin stayed and protected the other side to his coin because he knew that Arthur would be the greatest King to ever live. Merlin believed in Arthur. He loved Arthur. And as time wore on Arthur began to act as his normal self again, and things were looking up for the two. But then Merlin let his feelings get the best of him. One drunken night spent at the tavern a month before the wedding everything was ruined: he kissed Arthur. Arthur at first reciprocated, but then he quickly realized his mistake, so he stopped the kiss and gently pushed off Merlin. Being the kind and good friend that he is (due to Merlin), he let his friend down gently, but it was never the same again.

Arthur could not stop thinking about the kiss and how that one, small kiss felt better than any of the ones he shared with Gwen. Due to his conflicting thoughts, Arthur began to avoid Merlin because after all that was the obvious thing to do, you know as opposed to talking it out like mature adults. Merlin, not being privy to Arthur's thoughts, figured that Arthur was avoiding Merlin due to the kiss.

A dark cloud began to form over Merlin's head and soon Merlin grew bitter towards Gwen for making **_his_  ** Arthur fall in love with her. Arthur was _**his**_ to protect,  _ **his**_ to love, and the other side to  ** _his_** coin, not her.But somewhere in his subconscious, Merlin knew those thoughts were illogical. He couldn't help it though. After a week Merlin realized that he was just being petty, and he felt horrible over all the twisted things he wished upon his once beloved friend. He wanted to apologize, but that would mean admitting that he kissed her fiance, and he was **NOT** about to do that.

So Merlin bottled all of the feelings up, and between his chores, his feelings, a despondent Arthur, and saving Camelot, Merlin, in an unlike-Merlin fashion, gave up as he could not take it anymore. So in the middle of the night, a week before the wedding, Merlin wrote four letters: to Gaius, Arthur, Gwen , and Morgana. His four most cherished friends. And with a deep breath, he grabbed his bag and made his way back to his mother. Forever leaving his friends and destiny behind.


	2. A Servant with his Master, and a King without his Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin and Arthur discover what life is like without the other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in six months. I decided to continue the story. I hope you like it.

* * *

Arthur woke up one particular morning in a good mood, in a hunting sort of mood most would say. He stretched in is bed, preparing to go grab Merlin, so that the both of them could go out on a hunt. It was then that Arthur remembered something, something important, something awful (something wonderful),  _the kiss._ Oh how could he forget the kiss that he has been thinking about for the past two weeks. The illogical part of him says to forget the marriage and go to Merlin, but the logical side of him knows that he made a promise to Guinevere, and Arthur does not break his promises. Plus, he does not even know if Merlin likes him, sure Merlin kissed him back, but Merlin was pretty drunk, himself.

 

When Arthur told Morgana of his dilemma last week, she just laughed and called him an idiot. She told him to stop the wedding, and that Guinevere and him were getting married too soon in their relationship. The two had plenty more time to decide if they wanted to get married. It was at that point that Arthur decided to never share any information with Morgana ever again. She spent the next week dropping hints to Merlin, as if he was smart enough to figure them out. Arthur proceeded to spend the rest of the week moping. And then he did the mature thing and avoided Gwen and Merlin for the second week in the row. He let them both believe he was a busy king, but really he got most of his work done at night because he just could not sleep. He contemplated over his conflicting feelings over the two servants. One of which he finds pretty and has the courage to stand up to him, and the other is beautiful,has the courage to stand up to him, is his best friend, goes everywhere with him, is always there to help him, gives him good advice, and list goes on. But like I said, a hard decision, right? Because after all he made promise to the pretty servant. Additionally, it was hard enough getting the council to accept a servant as their queen, much less a servant as their king. 

 

Arthur sighed, his good mood ruined, but he decided to do the mature thing for once and talk to Merlin and Guinevere. 

 

* * *

Merlin eyes opened to a confusing scene before him. Did Arthur and him go out on another hunt? Was he kidnapped, again? Where  _was_ Arthur? It was then Merlin realized that _'of course I am in the forest alone, I left Arthur. I guess Arthur was right, I can be such an idiot sometimes.'_  Merlin stopped that painful train of thought only to think about Arthur again. 

Merlin was about an hours walk away from Ealdor when it finally occurred to him that he would never see Gaius again, nor Gwen, nor Morgana,  _nor Arthur._ Merlin then held his bag tighter on his shoulder, and continued on his way to his mother's arms. 

 

* * *

 

"Where the Hell is that idiot?" Arthur fumed as he rushed through his castle walls. He then literally ran into Morgana.

"Arthur, you idiot, what did you do to Merlin?" Morgana demanded.

"You can't speak to me like that I am king! And what do you mean 'what did I do to Merlin?' That idiot is probably somewhere in the tavern, drunk, and I have not spoken to him since yesterday morning," Arthur exclaimed. 

Morgana then shoved a letter into his hand, and so he read:

' _Morgana_

_Don't worry about me. I am just spending some time away from Camelot, the walls were becoming too constricting, and I felt as if I did not belong anymore. Do not worry about me, my dear friend. Also, do not look for me, and please look after Arthur. That prat does not even know how to put on his own clothes, much less take care of himself. Thank you so much for being my friend these last few years. I owe you one._

_love,_

_Merlin'_

Arthur looked up from the letter, and looked up into Morgana's accusing eyes.

"How do you know it was because of me?" Arthur asked haughtily, secretly worried. 

"Because it is always you"

Arthur simply glared at Morgana and turned away walking briskly out of sight. He wondered where his dear friend was. He worried if this truly was his fault. And sure, he had been ignoring Merlin, but Arthur never thought that he would leave. Oh, how could he co that to his best friend (even if he wouldn't ever tell Merlin this). He _needed_ Merlin. Arthur decided to first look in his room to see if he too had a letter.

' _Dear ~~My Beloved Prat~~ King Prat_  ,

_Please do not blame yourself for my departure. It was a long time coming. I just wish we had more time together, but it was time for me to leave. ~~I just can't look at your face, and see a stranger who no longer values my friendship. Someone who does not love me too.~~ Today, I looked around on the streets of Camelot, and I felt empty, no longer was it a place I could call home. You once asked me if I felt at home in Camelot, and If I was satisfied with my life. At the time I told you that I was still deciding. It turns out, Arthur, that I am still looking. Camelot, a city I know in my heart that would never accept me or my kind. Arthur, I have magic. If you were ever my friend, you would just leave me be. Please Arthur, please do not look for me. I will never enter the city again, I won't even think of it, but please just forget me. have a nice life with Gwen, and have plenty of children. I am counting on Gwen to make sure that they are not prats. Arthur just know that everything I have done, it was for you. I would never harm you. You truly are the Greatest King who will ever live, but please do not act as a prat. I know Morgana and Gwen will look out for you, and won't let you get too big headed again. Please tell Gwen I am sorry for our depleting friendship. Please help Gaius too, he is getting old and can use some assistance. Arthur, most of all please just look after yourself. You are perfect, and please don't doubt your decisions. You are king and better than your father ever was, just don't forget to listen to the people. They matter too. ~~I will always love you and~~ I wish for you the best. _

~~_Love_ ~~

~~_Best Regards_ ~~

~~_Forever Your Greatest Supporter_ ~~

_Your Best Friend,_

_Merlin'_

Arthur noticed the stray tear marks, and ran off to Morgana's room for some comforting, forgetting that just hours before he promised to never consult her again. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is also a summary of that has happened, but I swear it will get better. That is if you want me to continue it. I'm not really sure about the story to be honest.


End file.
